Italian
Distinguishing Between the Inner and Outer World to Live with Balance and Authenticity
Reality testing is a technical term used in psychology and psychiatry. It refers to the ability to distinguish one’s internal world from the external world, separating what we feel inside—our fears, hopes, and beliefs—from what is actually happening outside. It’s a fundamental skill and a key indicator of mental health.
When this ability falters, it means we have partially or completely lost our capacity to judge reality accurately. Our inner world starts to overshadow what is really happening. Our fears become real monsters that we feel we must defend ourselves against. Our emotions take on a life of their own and can affect others. Our beliefs turn into absolute, unquestionable certainties.
A proper reality test allows us to harmonize our inner world with the real world. It gives us the critical—especially self-critical—ability to view reality in a way that better suits our needs. In other words, we become masters of ourselves and can manage the chaos inherent in both the visible and invisible reality.
Reality testing provides the necessary separation so we are not overwhelmed or invaded by others and the world. This allows us to protect our intimacy and individuality. At the same time, the real world and other people are essential to help us modify, if necessary, the imperfections reflected in our inner world, which cannot and should not be enough on its own.
Pathological narcissism excludes engagement with reality, and paranoia leads us to act against a world seen as bad and dangerous. This is when illness arises. But this is an extreme condition compared to what normally happens in everyday life.
When frustrations outweigh satisfactions, faults outweigh merits, and pain outweighs joy, we enter a labyrinth from which it is difficult to escape. Killing the monster does not mean killing it forever. In mythology, Theseus kills the Minotaur, but what awaits him inside and outside the labyrinth remains to be faced. The real danger is leaving the labyrinth and facing the monster that reappears—just as in nightmares and real life.
When the boundary between fantasy and reality is unclear, we risk losing ourselves. In daily life, difficulties rarely appear clearly and obviously; more often they show themselves in ambiguous and subtle ways. We feel unrecognized, underestimated, as if fate is against us. From this comes dissatisfaction, irritability, and sometimes a loss of faith in the future.
The problem arises from the gap between desire and possibility. Hoping for a lucky break in gambling or pursuing impossible ventures is not only illusory but also a perspective error that inevitably causes frustration. Feeling like a winner without having the means to be one signals that our reality testing is flawed.
Ultimately, we never perceive reality “purely”; we always see it filtered through our subjective point of view. This is where a precious ally comes in: others. Comparing ourselves, listening to different opinions, relying on those who offer an outside perspective helps us calibrate our perception. Alone, we risk deceiving ourselves; together, we can approach a shared world, learning to navigate it with more balance and confidence.
Measuring reality means using not only our own standard but also the standard of others. It is others who examine us and tell us whether what we do is good or bad, right or wrong, beautiful or ugly.
Let us prepare to realize our dreams. This means examining reality. In an exam, both the examiner and the examinee must be prepared. You don’t go to an exam unprepared, risking failure. We should never abandon our ability to dream, but we must also measure ourselves against reality because, as Oscar Wilde said, “even dreams can come true.”
