Italian
On the occasion of Mother’s Day, an in-depth analysis of the reality of single mothers in Italy, a force often invisible but fundamental in our society. According to the latest ISTAT report, single-parent households amount to 3,822,469, with 77.6% composed of single mothers living with their children. This article explores their daily challenges, the double emotional and practical burden they face, and proposes reflections on how to support and recognize their value.
ROME. What does it mean to be a single mother? First and foremost, it implies living with a strong sense of loneliness. In a couple, there is a duality that allows for two perspectives on the same situation, providing the opportunity to confront and support each other. In the case of a single mother, this support is lacking, leaving the person to face daily challenges alone. “Both my personal experience as a single mother and my professional observations have led me to realize how single mothers often struggle with a deep sense of guilt and inadequacy,” says Giovanna Giacomini, a pedagogue and trainer. “The question that often lingers is: ‘Am I doing enough?’ This stems from the constant comparison with the paternal figure, who for various reasons may be absent: due to a loss, a separation, abandonment, or sometimes a physical but not emotional presence. In the latter case, I still feel comfortable speaking of a single-parent family.”
In addition to the lack of a partner to share with, there is often a lack of social interaction due to the difficulty single mothers face in sharing their experiences with others. “However, I must say that I have often seen a great inner strength emerge as well. Many women have discovered themselves to be resilient, capable of overcoming obstacles with great creativity and ingenuity, in order to ensure their children love and stability. The message I would like to convey is that if one works well on oneself, with inner balance and a solid confidence in one’s abilities, then there is no destructive prophecy that can self-fulfill,” emphasizes the pedagogue.
It is evident that juggling work, home, and children every day is challenging. The day has tight rhythms and everything starts over each time. This sense of never-ending time that always seems the same can generate stress and anxiety. Add economic and organizational worries, and the burden becomes really heavy.
Even the strongest and most resilient person reaches a point where they feel like collapsing. Imagine a day when everything seems to pile up: a thousand commitments, an urgent work deadline, and a sick child. In those moments, the only way out is to improvise. And in situations like these, but also in less complex ones, a mother feels even more the lack of someone to share the burden with. “For many moms, the evening is the most critical moment. The silence of the house can amplify the sense of invisibility and the dismay of a mother. Fatigue is intensely felt, and the list of things to do seems endless,” says Giovanna Giacomini. What to do in these moments? “Start with a breath, a small act of self-care. And then, allow yourself the awareness that not every task is urgent. It’s okay if some things remain pending.” Many women who experience single parenthood tend towards perfection, feeling the urgency that everything must work flawlessly, almost to ward off the guilt and fear of failure that would otherwise take over. When paternal absence manifests, children can express their discomfort, sometimes with anger and frustration. “Mothers, in an attempt at empathy, risk completely internalizing this pain, overriding their emotional boundaries. This dynamic can create a vicious circle where the child’s suffering is seen by the parent as an alarm bell for more serious problems. This triggers a sort of often misleading association between suffering and problem. In this context, it becomes crucial to shift the focus from the child to the mother. Instead of solely focusing on the child’s pain, it is essential that the mother takes care of herself, as her emotional well-being is the basis for transmitting serenity to others.”
“Many single moms confide in me that, despite the struggle, the joy of seeing their children happy is priceless. The central point is precisely this: even if the family is small, nothing changes if there is care and self-confidence and love. Love in a broad sense. The phrase ‘if there is love, there is everything’ is empty, it makes no sense. The love I speak of is first and foremost self-love: the mother, as a person, must love herself and take care of herself. Only in that case will she be able to take care of others, with joy and serenity,” emphasizes the pedagogue.
There are several strategies to face the role of single mother with greater serenity:
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