Italian
Sile Group of Frescada
Abandonment is a theme that, at first glance, may not seem to concern everyone, but from the testimonies of our group members, it is clear that we have all experienced it in one way or another. Abandonment is a wound that can be inflicted on children, not only when parents are absent. Think of the large families of the past, where children grew up alone, without emotional care. Or in certain families where if one child was sick, the siblings were almost disregarded. Or parents with health issues forced to be away for long periods. Or others who were never present due to work reasons. And then fathers who do not recognize their child. Emotionally unavailable mothers. Mothers who favored one child while neglecting the others. A father who leaves the family to start another. Parents who separate. Alcoholic parents. And furthermore, having an alcoholic parent and experiencing the abandonment of relatives and friends.
All situations in which it has emerged that we have experienced more or less deep abandonment wounds that have caused attitudes and character flaws that have made our lives much more difficult and exhausting than normal, attracting equally complicated situations and people. We have become hyper-controlling over everything and everyone because control gives us security and at the same time makes us dependent on our family members. Anxiety, fear, and especially anger are part of us and make us react to situations and life problems in an exaggerated, implosive way, with great feelings of guilt and frustration for not being able to manage this emotional avalanche that overwhelms us. Often we choose a partner who at first seems “normal” to us but who over time turns out to have some kind of dependency or suffer from depression.
At a certain point in our lives, we arrive at Al-Anon and discover that we are no longer alone. Over time, we stop being victims and understand that we can and have the duty to recover ourselves. The group becomes a second, welcoming, and affectionate family. Through sharing and the program, meeting after meeting, we learn to know ourselves and to name all the discomfort we have inside. We learn to trust a Power greater than ourselves, however each of us chooses to conceive it. Recognizing how we have become helps us gradually accept the past, forgive ourselves and others, and regain serenity, freedom, and a desire to live.
Many of us volunteer in the group and in various service rings, and this helps us clear our minds and keep them occupied. Bringing the message to others who are suffering allows us to help them just as someone else helped us before. This can give meaning to our lives. All the suffering has ultimately led to something positive.
Sometimes the program and everything Al-Anon offers is not enough; in particularly severe cases, professional help is also necessary to address the experience of abandonment and allow individuals to grow, regain self-esteem, and love for themselves.
